Why looking under your bed for monsters is stupid.

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Okay, the first thing wrong with this is that there's no such thing as monsters.  I'm not saying that they're real.  That's dumb.

What I am saying, however, is that the logic behind looking under your bed for a monster is ridiculous.

Scenario #1

Let's say there is a monster under your bed, one that has every intention of eating or mauling you in the night.  There it lies, waiting for you to fall asleep before coming out and performing its deed.  You fall asleep.  It eats you.  Oh why oh why didn't you think to look under the bed first?  Surely that would have saved you! 

At best, you're taking away the monster's satisfaction of getting you while you're asleep.  And if that's a win for you, you may have some pride issues.

Scenario #2

Again there's a monster under your bed.  This time you have the intuition to take a peak before falling asleep.  You see the monster.  It goes, "dang, you found me...", then you die.

Actually you might not die right away in this scenario.  You looking under the bed may piss the monster off enough that it decides to torture you a little bit first.


What it boils down to is latent obsessive compulsive disorder.  Maybe you can't fall asleep until you check.  Maybe you'd rather be eaten immediately than spend all night wondering.

Maybe checking under your bed for monsters is only a thing I do, who knows.

-Daniel Greene

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