Top 5 Things I Want to Say to the Guy Who Got My Girl After She Left Me to Be with Him

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Hey there, fella. Yeah, I know. You really think you're top shit because she's with you now, huh? Well guess what. Things aren't over until you've read this strongly worded blog article I'm going to passive aggressively post on Facebook without mentioning you by name. So let's get right to it. Here are the top 5 things you really ought to know.

1. My dick is still really big
This may come as a surprise to you, considering she's with you now. But, I actually have quite a sizeable cock. I don't like to brag and I'm actually quite shy to admit these sorts of things. But honestly I would say my penis is in the top 10 largest of all my grad class.

2. You should come over to my house and wrestle me in my own backyard
Then we'll see who's tough. I'll put on Yeezus real loud and we'll take off our shirts and just go at it in the grass. No punching or kicking. First one to tap or go unconscious loses. I'll beat your sorry ass, then maybe she'll realize she made a big mistake leaving me for you.


"I've actually seriously been looking into leasing a full-sized truck"
Yeah, that's her.
3. I'll always be the first guy she ever went to second base with
Keep that in the back of your mind while you're with her. Maybe you think she really digs the things you do for her now, but always remember that I was the first one to do under-the-shirt stuff with her. And besides, if I can't get any action, what does that say about your odds? You're a fuckin' tool.

4. I have to shave basically every day
My facial hair growth rate has increased exponentially over the last few months. It's insane. I go through disposable razors like you wouldn't believe.

5. I've actually seriously been looking into leasing a full-sized truck
I saved up a ton of money this year so I'm thinking about using it all on leasing a 2017 GMC Sierra 3500. It's honestly a solid investment that will only grow in value over the years.



JW.

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