The Cock-A-Doodledoos and Cock-A-Doodle-Don'ts of Chicken Care

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Fuckin' right on. You did it. You bought some chickens. This is sick. Here's what you're going to want to do.

1. Pen those bastards in:
Do not let the chickens escape. Create a fence in your backyard and let them run around there. Use chicken wire for this. But do not forget the most important aspect of chicken-penning: do not let them escape.


  
  "buy a big bag of seed"


2. Feed them:
The common chicken.
You're going to want to go to maybe Walmart and buy a big bag of seed. Look on the bag for pictures of chickens since those bags will probably be most likely to provide proper nutrition to chickens. If you can't find the bag with the chicken picture, you can settle for one with cardinals or pigeons. Do not feed them white bread unless it is a special treat like their birthday or something. Do not feed them rice or else they might explode overnight.

3. Build them a house:
Actually, they can stay in the house with you if you really want.

4. Provide them with love:
Rock them gently, rock them slowly. Take it easy, don't you know? Chickens have probably never been loved like this before.

5. Try very hard not to eat them too soon:
Actually, eat them right away. How could you ever be sure they love you back anyway?


      JW

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