Meet Clever

Poetry I t's something every parent fears. It's something you never thought would happen to your  kid. Sure, you've seen it in movies and on television. But in your own house? It's a scary thought. What you need to realize, however, is that there is a right and a wrong way to talk to your children about their poetry. It's important to maintain a calm and comfortable atmosphere. Let's take a look at the healthiest ways to confront your children if you ever catch them writing poetry. 1. Try to understand Your first reaction might be to freak out and respond with anger. Don't. Understand that, while it's natural for your children to experiment with poetry at some point in their life, the problem will not go away on its own. Start an open dialogue. Make sure your child is comfortable talking with you in an open and honest way. Ask them exactly how  much poetry they've written and find out why. "Poetry, no matter the form you find your chil...

The road into town is lined on both sides with conifers and brown fences that divide houses’ gravel driveways. The road winds downhill with switchback corners that overlook the city which, at around 8:00 a.m. on a Tuesday morning in November, is often blanketed in translucent fog like fresh cold oxygen straight from a clear plastic breathing tube. There’s one particular stretch of road where great firs and pines reach their boughs to the opposite side of the street and graze their needles with the dying leaves of red and orange maples. It’s as if the pines and firs are comforting the maples as they lose their leaves, holding their hands as the cold wind slowly shakes the branches barren so the leaves fall to root beds and asphalt. Some are blown onto the road where passing logging trucks and station wagons scatter them over front lawns where they’re raked up and burned in slash piles like plagued hospital gowns.  The smell of burning leaves and wood fireplaces wafts into my ca...

Carl and I sat beside his father’s oscillating sprinkler in the middle of July. A paper plate covered in watermelon rinds and black seeds lay by our bare feet. On the sidewalk beside Carl’s front yard, hockey sticks and a Calgary Flames jersey baked in the sun.  “What do you want to do?” I asked Carl who sat on the opposite side of the sprinkler. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” He tilted his head forward as the streams of cold water came his way. “I asked you.” In the silence that followed, I picked at the grass between my legs and threw the green blades up into the air watching them flutter back to the wet lawn. The asphalt warped the air into hot waves of distortion. That far off summer-time hum was louder than ever. “Well, if you really want to do something,” he said, shifting to a more upright position in the grass, “we could go to PlaySpot .” “What’s Playspot ?” I asked, also shifting upright. Carl’s eyes widened into an over exaggerated look ...

If you've ever perused the 'seasonal' aisle of any department store, you've probably been nasally attacked by a melange of scents offered in the form of season-specific candles. They usually sport names such as "autumn spice", "cinnamon bun frosting", or "nutmeg delirium". Upon smelling these candles, however, you'll soon realize that they are merely chemical-laden fakes. In my research I have found only a few that are the exception. These candles I suggest are made by true artists with finely honed skills. They offer only the best of the best: real scents for the real fragrance enthusiast. Lets begin. #1. Commercial Laundry At first whiff I was blown away by the initial burst of industrial detergent. I was skeptical about whether this was a true Craft Candle. But then I took it home and lit it: was I ever surprised. The aroma of a distant soiled cloth adult diaper that hasn't completely washed through lingers beneath the pungent...

So you finally did it. You quit your day job and opened up a quaint little restaurant. You've dreamed of this moment! You've finally said goodbye to your gruelling 9-5 prison and hello to a job, no, lifestyle , of complete financial uncertainty. However, to turn this grub-shack into a booming upscale eatery, you're going to have to get some reliable, hardworking staff. You may think the key to great staff is all in the hiring process but that's where you'd be wrong. A great employee isn't hired, they're made . "How do I make one of these fantastic employees?" you may be asking yourself. Well, look no further. #1) The Hiring Process I know, I know! I just said it wasn't important. But you have to start here no matter what. Start by putting a HELP WANTED sign on the front door of your restaurant. This doesn't at all look desperate and it's the easiest way to attract future employees. Once you've reeled one or two of these prospects...

Summer is just around the corner and that can only mean one thing: beginning a short-lived and poorly planned fitness program. But don't worry! Your exercise regimen doesn't have to end with your self esteem and well being at a lower point than when you started. Summer is beach season, pool party season, and "Hey, look at me, I'm not wearing a shirt and I'm pretty intimidating" season. So let's hit the ground running with some shaping up for summer tips. #1) Where to start The key to weight loss and rapid muscle growth is shocking your body with quick, high intensity workouts. I suggest starting out with running. You'll hear lots of mumbo jumbo about proper footwear, stretching, and warm-ups etc. It's bollocks. By the time you finish all that crap you'll just want to take a nap or something. That's what happens to everybody, I think. Your everyday shoes will work. I mean... just start running, it's not rocket science. You're kind...

It was raining bullets on the night of our first encounter. There I was, a restless, wandering soul caught up in the washing streets and avenues of our little city. But then there was Starbucks, conveniently located in a strip mall some ways away from my suburban home. Why I didn't stop at the several Starbucks on the way to your particular Starbucks, well, love itself may only know the answer. My socks were soaked in the rain of a lonely night. Numb toes were forgotten in the abyss of my yearning mind. I pulled, with a frigid hand, the door and was rewarded with that cliche coffee exhaust known only to Starbucks. There you were: thin, tall, wearing an apron adorned with your pretty name: Abigail. I instantly knew you were an "Abbi". I was the only patron. You played me off with an exhausted look. I marched right up to the till even though I had no idea what I wanted. I'm sure you thought it was cute. Running your hands through your mahogany locks, you asked me wh...

While Spring is a beautiful time of the year, full of life and unique seasonal wonders, it can also be a depressing bitch. After days of gloomy, dark, and rainy weather, it’s hard not to slip into a melancholy slump of torpor and self hate. You may find yourself reaching for creature comforts such as junk food, television, or hard liquor. That’s okay once in a while, but I’m here to enlighten you with some suggestions for less self-destructive pastimes that will make those wet, dreary days more tolerable.  #1) Fun with household objects Remember those forts you used to build when you were a kid? Why not build one as an adult? Simply tip over all the furniture in your living room and drape the largest bed sheet you have over it all! You’ll need to secure the sheets to the floor somehow in order to make the ceiling for the fort. I suggest using kitchen knives as makeshift tent stakes. Start with one corner of the blanket. Secure it to the floor by stabbing the knife clean thr...

I'll be the first to admit it, starting up a home bar is a daunting task. The massive list of ingredients needed for a complete set up is quite intimidating. The shelves of your local liquor store can seem endless. That's where I come in. I've narrowed it down to the bare necessities for a perfectly functional home bar that will impress your guests and maybe even have them asking you for advice. #1 The Beer Alright, let's face facts. Your guests probably won't be all too impressed with your ability to make the best Rob Roy in town. For the average backyard barbecue, your guests will be looking for something quick and simple: beer. Surprise them with something homemade. Your local wine shop/bargain market will have a wide variety of kits and caboodles to make a classic Pilsner or IPA, but that's cheating, you cheater. All you need to do is google "how to make beer" and there you go. I'm not going to take you through the steps here, but I thin...

Keeping to the warm weather theme, I've compiled a few tips and suggestions to encourage you to explore the great outdoors. Camping is a great way to experience all that nature has to offer. Fresh mountain air could be just what it takes to shake you from your winter slump. Let's get going, shall we? Campfires: Ahh the campfire. The almighty symbol of camping. There's nothing like the warm, flickering crackle of a fire to help you forget you're probably lost in the middle of nowhere. However, people often make mistakes that are pretty easy to correct, given you have the right information. One huge misconception is that you need to bring an axe or hatchet to chop wood for the fire. This is silly. Hatchets take up a lot of space and are quite heavy to lug around. The solution? Simply chop all your firewood and kindling in advance and pack it with you! And don't forget matches of course! Toilets: This is a big deal breaker for a lot of people. Unfortunately ther...

For a little change of pace, I thought I'd throw together some of my favourite "tricks of the trade", if you will, in the theme of Spring! Spring is a wonderful time to experiment with new recipes and cooking techniques. Have fun with these simple tips that will surely impress your guests this season! #1) Whip up some quick Tomato Crisps by cutting thick, home-style tomato slices and popping them right in your toaster. Yum! #2) Create thick, rustic peanut butter at home by running whole, roasted peanuts through your coffee grinder on the espresso setting. Where's my toast? #3) A quirky twist on an old favourite: add equal parts heavy cream and orange juice and pour into a glass pitcher. This creamsicle - inspired beverage will have you, and the kids, lining up for seconds. #4) True fans of the classic pancake will love my Pancake Stew. Using your standby pancake recipe, fill your Crockpot or slow cooker half full with batter (allow room for rising). Let it sim...

In late October, sometime in the 1980s, the boat launch at Burtle Provincial Park sat abandoned in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains and the lull of the approaching off-season. Frigid water lapped against worn asphalt painted with moss and slime. Just off shore, a loon broke the lake's glossy surface with a dive and a short kick, flicking beads of water silently upward. The air was quiet and dense save for a low rumbling in the distance. Squirrels scurried up great cedars as chipmunks leapt from pine to pine. Deer stood rigid to listen to the growing rumble of a diesel engine descending toward the lake. The truck geared down as it wound its way around the last switchback of the road. Loons took flight, prairie dogs watched from the safety of their burrows. At the bottom of the road, the vehicle crawled forward before stopping at the lake. The truck sat idling at the crest of the boat launch. Exhaust floated and danced in the mountain breeze. Then pistons creaked to a halt leaving d...

One of the most terrifying thoughts is that somebody knows something about you you'd rather keep secret. On the reverse side, there's something deeply pleasurable about discovering something embarrassing about somebody else. However, if reading this does anything for you, hopefully it relieves some stress you have about the things hidden in your closet. First of all, let's think like a snoop, someone searching your private belongings looking for a juicy tidbit of covert information. Let's say they find something horrible: a CD you recorded in the 8th grade with your friend when you thought you were really cool; a shoebox filled with snippets of hair from cute animals you've encountered; a collection of black and white photos of strangers with unfamiliar names written on them. We all have varying embarrassment tolerances, so just imagine something you'd be embarrassed about. Somebody finds it. "Jackpot!" they exclaim. For the next two minut...

A muffled voice can be heard through the garage door encrusted with chipped paint and dirt.  Dim light spills through smudgy windows.  Inside, Willis Macer paces back and forth as he speaks to the person sitting in the chair below him.  As he walks, a 9mm sways loosely between his fingers and thumb.  As his right hand supports the firearm, his left gestures thoughtfully in time with his voice.  "I'm glad you've read the book and seen the movie, you know, because a lot of people have just seen the movie.  In my opinion, the book does a great job of explaining the protagonist's psyche.  You don't get a lot of that in the movie." The man in the chair has rope at his feet.  Rope also lies on his lap where it previously bound his hands to the arms of the chair.  The skin around his mouth is red where duct tape used to bind his lips.  Bits of his moustache remain on the old tape, now in the trashcan in the fa...