Daniel's 5 Tips for the Home Bar

I'll be the first to admit it, starting up a home bar is a daunting task. The massive list of ingredients needed for a complete set up is quite intimidating. The shelves of your local liquor store can seem endless. That's where I come in. I've narrowed it down to the bare necessities for a perfectly functional home bar that will impress your guests and maybe even have them asking you for advice.

#1 The Beer

Alright, let's face facts. Your guests probably won't be all too impressed with your ability to make the best Rob Roy in town. For the average backyard barbecue, your guests will be looking for something quick and simple: beer. Surprise them with something homemade. Your local wine shop/bargain market will have a wide variety of kits and caboodles to make a classic Pilsner or IPA, but that's cheating, you cheater. All you need to do is google "how to make beer" and there you go. I'm not going to take you through the steps here, but I think you'll need like, barley? A friend of mine used his hot water tank as a pot still once and fermented in his bath tub, but let's take things one step at a time. You're not going to become a professional overnight.

Once you have your finished product, you're going to need to filter it somehow. Start out with something like a pasta strainer and work up to, say, cheese cloth. Then use charcoal briquettes to give it that last charcoal filtering. Charcoal filter system? I think that's how you do it. 

#2 The Exotics

Beer is great and all but there's bound to be one of those "I don't like beer" assholes in the crowd. That's why it's important to know how to mix some drinks. Get a bar book from Value Village. That's what I did. It'll probably tell you to stock up on things like Angostura bitters, sweet vermouth, or absinthe. Okay, that shit is expensive. Basically, Angostura bitters = orange juice. Sweet vermouth = red wine. Absinthe = a liquorice rope left to sit in some vodka overnight. 

#3 The Fancies 

Along with the "no beer" assholes, there will be the "I like Scotch" douchebags. If you don't know, Scotch is any whisky that is referred to by a man with a large beard as "the only whisky" he drinks. Be prepared to nod and smile politely as he tells you about the oily texture and remarkably fruity nose of his favourite single malt, single cask expression. Thanks to me, you'll be able to offer him something he's never had before. To create this concoction, add a tablespoon of sawdust to a 26 of vodka and shake vigorously. You'll need to strain it as per the beer method mentioned above.

#4 Umm Wine Now?

Yeah, buy some wine.

#5 There's this stuff, it comes in a green bottle... ugh frick, I JUST saw it the last time I went to the liquor store and I tried it the last time I was at Mark's house and it was SO GOOD. Remember that? Aww man, come on! It's like double time, or this is it, or something. I'll call Mark, hold on.

Okay, Mark isn't answering, but go to your liquor store and ask them about this, they're the experts. Ugh it's sooooo good! Trust me.

Buy some of this.

-Daniel Greene