Top 5 Ways to Pass the Time at the Clinic

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The country is short on doctors these days. A trip to your nearest clinic will surely result in an hour and a half wait to see a woman whose patience has run thin (but sadly not her patients). So what is one to do with all that free time? Well, luckily I've thought this one out for you. Here are the top five things to do while waiting to see your doctor.

1. Cough moistly

One sure-fire way to pass the time is as old as whooping cough itself. Inflate those lungs and listen to the wet howl of your mucus reverberate through the room as you exhale violently. Still time to spare? Do it again! This activity costs nothing and is an easy way to communicate your sickness to others.

2. Shake your leg and look suspiciously around the room

Those doctors back there have all kinds of sharp instruments. Good lord, I hope they don't use them on me. Just relax. Hopefully she'll just prescribe something nice and write me a note dismissing me from work for a few days. One time the doctor lanced a boil on my calf and held me down so hard I had blue fingerprints on my leg afterward. Hope it's not him again. Good lord.

She's good at waiting

3. Tell the woman next to you that you're 85 and that life was easy back when it was just horse-and-buggies

Ahh, she's got nothing but time. Look at the way these damned kids et these days. Nothin' but sugar and prepackaged nonsense. When I was little my mama raised us on nothin' but flour and lard. Cooked 'er up in a big ol' pot and set us down a spoon to et her. Ef we were lucky we get a fresh cup a cows milk, still warm. Oh yes. An' we nevers got sick, not never. Thems were better days. Simpler. An' we was happy back then.

4. Stare at the television in the corner that has been rotating the same three slides all morning

Stop watching it. It's not going to be anything new. Just look at your phone again. No data. 3D printing technologies today allow scientists to mould prosthetic legs for amputees--Fuck, that one again.


5. Contemplate the dismal reality of death

Oh, man. That guy over there's dying for sure.

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