Top 5 Things to Do When Your Beer Is All the Fucking Way over There

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Jesus fucking christ. You just sat down, pulled the covers over your lap, and started season two of Maggie and The Ferocious Beast. Only problem is your goddamn beer is all the fucking way over there. Let's see if we can't remedy this predicament. The way I see it, you've got five options.

1. Stare at it hatefully:
While this alone rarely bears fruitful results, you may find it helpful to start here.

2. Reach hard:
Now we're getting down to business. You're the best reacher in all of the lands. You're basically fucking Jack Reacher and certainly better than that movie.

3. Construct a long distant grabbing device comprised of items in your immediate vicinity:
You're not as good as Jack Reacher but you're as good as Jack MacGyver (that's his first name but they never tell you it). Use like that cane under your bed from when you dislocated your knee in grade eleven and then maybe wad up some duct tape, wrapped sticky-side out so it's grabby on the outside? Put it on the end of the cane and reach for the beer.
Not even close.

4. Forget it:
This kind of shit always happens to you.

 5. Bitterly fling yourself from your bed to snatch it:
There, happy now, you lazy sack of shit?

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