Top 5 Ways to Get the Most Out of Summer

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If you own a television, the television will tell you: summer is short! You're going to miss out on all that hot, sandy fun if you don't tread carefully (on the hot beach sand, that is). So why not jump right into it? Here are the top five ways to savour your summer and make it last forever.

1. Spend day after day outside:
The sun may be hot and your skin may be blistered and sickly from UV radiation, but rest assured, these signs of accelerated aging are in fact evidence of your perfect summer! Trying to justify your sudden absence from work and other social engagements? Forget it! You're a child of the Sun now and He is all that matters.

2. Swim in Her milk, our water:
Blow up an air mattress and bust out some cold ones! It's time to hit the beach. The Earth has given her children lakes and oceans for the pleasure of bathing. Lie in her until you are wrinkly and saturated. Reenact your birth as you float listlessly in the fluid of nature and rewind your summer to day one.

 3. Climb:
Just climb everything. Climb trees and rocks and stumps and oil-slicked dumpsters smeared black from years of use. Climb to the roof of Walmart and camp there for four days, only drinking bottled water you've stolen in the night.

The Sun


 4. Meet eyes with our lord and saviour, the Sun:
Why do you never look your father in the eye? Are you afraid? Look at Him. Know Him. Let Him blind you.

5. Rest forever.
-DJG

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